CHAPTER THE FIRST

 

Discernment and Interior Detachment

 

 

IHS MARIA FRAs

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When we begin to search for our vocation we are well intentioned. We feel generous and we truly want to know the will of God for our lives. Usually we begin with the question “What do I want to do with my life?” or “How shall I serve The Lord?” Both of those questions are good and come from a good desire, but they are the wrong questions to be asking.

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A vocation is a “call” like no other call. It is not a mere discovery of gifts and a discernment of how to put those gifts at the service of the Church. It is deeper than that. When we say “call” we mean “A Call”. It is God’s desire and design for my life. The question we all need to be asking is not “How shall I serve The Lord?” or “What do I want to do with my life?” The question is “Lord, what do You want me to do with my life?”, “How shall I serve You Lord?”

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The distinction of questions may sound subtle, but the difference is immense. So often our discernment is based upon what we may “feel” God is asking of us or trying to figure out where we can best use our talents for The Lord. Or trying to find a place that we would be most comfortable or a life most compatible with our demeanor and/or personality. The point we are missing is that God may be calling us to such places for such reasons, but maybe He is not.

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Did we ever consider that in “choosing” a vocation, that it really isn’t our choice? Oh, don’t get me wrong, it is our choice, we have free will. But, the vocation to marry or to the priesthood or to religious life is God’s choice. And, His choice could be very contradictory to our choices. So much so that God’s choice for our life could even be repulsive to us.

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Look at the great saints of the Old Testament. Moses did not want to go to Egypt. He argues at the burning bush for a whole chapter telling God why he should not go. Look at poor Jonah. The last place Jonah wanted to go was Nineveh. We forget the reason why he ended up in the belly of a whale was because he was on a boat heading far away from Nineveh when a storm kicked up, the boat was about to sink and Jonah confessed that it was because of him, that he was fleeing God. Now Jonah did not say “take me to Nineveh”. His vocation crisis was much greater. Jonah said “throw me overboard and drown me”. Talk about not wanting to do God’s Will!

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It is true that I may want a particular vocation, but that may not be God’s desire, will, for me. The question is “What do You want for my life?” Here is where the discernment begins, detachment from one’s own will for one’s life. Detachment from dreams, desires, things, people, talents, gifts, preferences and the seeking of what suits me.

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We must be prepared to face the reality that God may not have the same dream for me that I have for myself, no matter how noble it may be. God may or may not want me to use my gifts or talents as I think they can be best used. He may actually call me to sacrifice my gifts as an act of love for Him. And, like Jonah, Moses and all the prophets, we must be prepared for the serious possibility that God will call me to do something that does not seem to suit me and be completely contrary to my preferences.

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For example, I may feel that because I am a good teacher and have a teaching degree that I am called to be a teaching brother or sister. Not necessarily true. It may be the case, but there remains the possibility that God is calling me to be a cloistered monk or nun and never see the inside of a classroom again. Or, I may believe that because I like silent quiet prayer that I must be called to a contemplative life. Not necessarily so! Maybe yes, but I must remain open to the possibility that God, fully knowing my strength in prayer, will call me to an active life because He knows that my contemplative nature will keep me balanced.

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My point is this, ask not what or how you think you can serve God, but ask God to reveal what His plan is for you. Have no preference, set aside YOUR DREAMS, YOUR DESIRES, what YOU THINK suits YOU and how you believe that you can use your gifts and ask JESUS what He wants, in total freedom!

We must always keep in mind that God’s plans for us are so much better than our own plans for ourselves. We may have grandiose plans for our future or even simple plans colored by the many beautiful ways that we will serve The Lord. But those plans, as wonderful as they are, pale in the light of the plans that God has for us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He loves us more than we could ever love ourselves. And, His desire for the good of our souls is a far greater desire than we could ever have for ourselves.

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Our gifts, our talents, may very well be placed at the service of the Church. However, God may have given them to us only to be used for a time. Or, they will be used in other ways that may seem strange to us, but clear in the Mind of God.

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Look at King David. He was a shepherd, a songwriter and a musician. What did David know about being a King? Suppose he would have said to Samuel the prophet “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a King. I am going to use my musical talents to write and sing for God”. David may have thought that song writing and being a harpist were his greatest talents. What a tragedy it would have been had he refused his vocation to be the King of Israel because he had believed that his music was the gift that God wanted him to use for God’s Glory.

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Although God did use David’s gift of music and poetry, David had a gift and a talent that David did not know that he had. He had the gift of leadership, deep reverence for The Lord, and a penitential heart that would give the world and generations to come the perfect song of repentance, Psalm 51. God knew David better than David after all. God said to Samuel “Men judge by appearance, but God judges the heart”. Finally, let’s look at St. Peter our first Pope, besides Jesus, eternal son of The Father, did anyone think this man capable of leading the Church, never mind being the “rock” upon which it would be built? Even during his three years with Jesus, especially Holy Thursday night when he denied our Lord three times, Peter showed himself to be most unqualified. But, God knew the heart of Peter better than Peter or anyone else for that matter.

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Peter’s moment of truth came when, after the resurrection, over a charcoal fire, Jesus asks him “Peter, do you love Me more than these?”. Now notice the question, Jesus does not just ask “Do you love Me?” but “Do you love Me more than these?” It was a question of detachment.

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I must admit that I used to read this in the context of the ongoing quarrel of the Apostles, who for three years argued over who was most important. But one day it struck me that Jesus was not asking “Do you love Me more than Andrew loves me? Or more than John or the others love me?” It was a question that harkened back to Peter’s denial, a denial based on a fear for his own life, afraid because he loved his own life more than he loved our Lord. Peter appears to be too attached to his life, his reputation, perhaps his boats, nets and family.

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Jesus’ question to Peter is an opportunity for Peter to be detached. To let go of his plans. The question: “Do you love Me more than these?” “These”, your own brother? Do you love

Me more than you love Andrew? Do you love Me more than you love your boats, nets, reputation? All “These” things that you hold so dear, do you love Me more than you love any of them?

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Peter’s three-fold answer “You know that I Love You!”. It reveals a detached heart. A heart now ready to do God’s will. A heart ready to accept whatever The Lord has planned for him. And so our Lord reveals the plan. No more fishing, put that gift away. Leave home, lay aside the vocation to marriage. Leave your own country, put aside your love for your people and now begin to love all people. “Feed My Sheep”. Only Peter’s detached heart, completely open to whatever The Lord had planned, in the way He planned it, could accept, not only the command to lead the Church, but also to prepare for martyrdom “When you were young you went where you will. But when you are older they will put a rope around your waist and take you where you don’t want to go”.

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My brothers and sisters, open your hearts to the complete unfolding of God’s will for your life. To discern His will is not easy if we hold tight to our own plans, desires and well thought out paths for ourselves. When we actually give up the full detachment to ask, “What do You want me to do Lord?”, “How do You want me to live my life?”, then we must be ready to accept whatever and however The Lord chooses.

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Don’t be afraid of this. As I said, God knows you better than you know you. God loves you far more than you love yourself. His plans for your life far surpass your greatest imaginings. You must trust this if you are truly going to discern. Trust is based on love. He has proven His love for you. He has shown Himself to be trustworthy. Follow Him to wherever He leads. Follow in trust. Follow in freedom. Follow Him detached from all your own plans, desires, preferences, and preconceived ideas about your future.

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Lectio for Chapter the Second

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Matthew 19:3-12

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery.”

 

The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.” But he said to them, “Not all men can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it.”