CHAPTER THE EIGHTH

 

If not now, then when?

 

If not now, then when? That seems to be the question that I have been asking my spiritual directees for some time now. Outside of the whole commitment struggles, which we discussed in the last reflection, is the whole struggle of timing. No one seems to be in any kind of hurry to get anywhere. Yes, of course we never want to rush the hand of God. However, not rushing God’s hand and not being quick and ready to respond are two very different things.

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In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I am quite a simplistic person. I was re-set on fire for the faith when I was seventeen years old. The day of my re-version, Oct 4th 1984, also came with a call to the priesthood and Franciscan life (it was the feast day of St. Francis, go figure). I knew what God wanted and His love drew me to run into His loving embrace. If I could have entered the Friars at 18, I would have. They did let me in at 19. Twenty-four years later I’m glad that I entered when I did. I’m happy to have spent my “young adulthood” as a professed friar. For this reason, I really do have a hard time understanding those who know that they are called and yet want to wait.

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For me it all comes down to the Gospel. Jesus called and when He did He placed immediacy upon it. Some protested that they had things to do first. Jesus did not accept their reasoning, “Let the dead bury the dead. You go and proclaim the Kingdom”. “He who puts his head to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of Heaven.

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“Go, see the world, experience life, and then come follow me.” Just the opposite was true. For Jesus, the simple words were “Follow Me”. He expected an immediate response. James and John left their father in the boat, Matthew left the tax post and all the money. Peter left his home, his wife and his business. Follow Him! To where? They had no idea! All they knew was that this man was calling them to Himself and they were not going to resist.

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As a matter of fact, the only one who was called and told to do something first, before following Jesus, was the rich young man. “Go sell all you have. Give it to the poor and then come follow me.” The “delay” in following the Lord was only so that the young man could be free to follow Christ. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t.

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When one is certain that God is calling them to religious life, there should be nothing to delay the call and all things must become secondary to it. God calls at the time He calls for a reason, His reasons. It is God’s time we must adjust to, not God having to adjust to our timing. As Mother Mary Clement, the foundress of the Franciscan Sisters Minor, is fond of saying, “God’s timing is God’s will”. So, if God calls now, then NOW is the time, not later and NO excuses.

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There are legitimate reasons for waiting to join the seminary or religious life. However, I have found these few and often what seems to be a legitimate reason is more an excuse born from fear. Fear, as we have discussed in earlier reflections, can play all kinds of tricks on the discernment process. It can make the most irrational scenario seem to be wise, prudent and even “the will of God”. Once the scheme has been unmasked, we see that it was only fear hiding behind the mask of prudence, wisdom and “the will of God”!

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College debt, finishing school and being ready emotionally, psychologically and spiritually are a few of the legitimate reasons to wait. They can present real scenarios that are not fear masked as something else. The person experiencing these legitimate barriers would, in a heartbeat, be in religious life if they could. It is this disposition of a ready heart but uncontrollable circumstances that reveal a true obstacle. These are not the procrastinators. These are those who would be ready to dive into the pool if they could.

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You can easily tell these discerners from others with false obstacles because they are doing everything in their power to remedy the situation. There is, in them, a restlessness that propels them to do what needs to get done and they do it. You will not find them sitting around worrying about how their bills will get paid. Or putting off visiting communities until after college. Or even deciding to do college if the call comes in High School. When doing spiritual direction with such discerners as these, I have found an attitude that expresses a willingness to take on anything that will remedy their emotional, psychological or spiritual weakness or immaturity so that they can get on with their lives as religious.

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This is a disposition that we all need to have when we are coming to the decision part of our discernment. We must be bluntly honest with ourselves and ask ourselves if our reasons for delay are real or unreal. Are they based on truth or fear? Is fear controlling my discernment or do I have control of my fear. Am I looking at the “obstacles” as barriers that I’ll get around to taking care of? Or, am I facing them with an attitude that is ripping it down one or two stones at a time. Am I leaning against the wall or do I have a sledgehammer to the base of it. I think you get the picture.

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The reason for moving toward our vocation without delay is simple. We do not know how much time we have here on Earth to serve God. We seem to have an attitude, prevalent in our culture, that we have all the time in the world. We may very well live to be ninety-five or even a hundred. However, we may not. Tomorrow is promised to no one and only God knows the day and the hour of our death. If He is calling you now, then now is the hour to move on it. You may not have a “later” to respond.

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Secondly, for me to delay for any reason other than a legitimate one (which would be God telling me later, when this legitimate block is gone) would be incredibly uncharitable to those who are depending on the graces of my sacrifice and my ministry. For myself, I know that my vocation is not about me. It is first about Jesus and secondly about my brothers and sisters whom I am called to serve as a friar and as a priest. If I dilly dally and I am not there, wherever “there” may be, when God wants me to be there, I may miss an opportunity to bring a soul closer to God. A person made in the image and likeness of God could very well have not received what God wanted them to receive through me because I let other things deter me from accomplishing this most imperative task.

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I’m not just talking about ministry as a priest. I am also speaking of the graces merited for souls by our lives of prayer and penance, which takes on a special power by right of our consecration as a religious. The simple offering of my life to Christ is sufficient to obtain the grace of conversion for many souls. Does God need me for this task? Of course not, He is God. He needs nothing. However, He has chosen you for this task and desires, wants and wills that you should be the one to accomplish it.

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Let’s go back to our example of Moses. Did God “need” Moses? No! But God did desire, want and will that Moses should lead God’s people out of slavery. Suppose Moses delayed his call and decided to beef up on his Egyptian before going back. Or he wanted to spend a bit more time with the wife and kids before he would take on pharaoh. Would it have been right for Moses to only think of himself, his life and his family, while his people were continuing in slavery? Did he, having been called by God to do so, not have the imperative obligation to get to Egypt A.S.A.P. and deliver the people of God? What a cruel thing it would have been if Moses considered only himself, his time and his family before considering the call of God and the people who were suffering such harsh conditions.

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Is our call any different? By no means! We too are called by God to deliver His people from bondage and slavery. The bondage of sin is a far worse enslavement. It is an enslavement that could lead to eternal ruination. You and I have been called by God to serve God’s holy people, called to deliver them from the bondage of sin by the staff of the Cross, through the waters of Mercy. We must see and feel the immediacy of this call! This is no “career” that can wait. This is no game that we can put on pause. This is people’s eternal salvation we are talking about. Consider the fact that someone’s salvation may very well be dependent upon your “Yes”, your commitment, your immediate response to follow the Lord.

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After the resurrection from the dead and the ascension into Heaven, the apostles had a legitimate reason to wait. Jesus told them to. You can’t get more legitimate than that! They were to wait for the Holy Spirit to come upon them at Pentecost. Once He, the Paraclete, came upon them, there was no more waiting. Peter began to preach immediately. Scores of people were converted that day! That day children of Israel were set free from their bondage to sin, were baptized and became adopted children of God. If Peter would have procrastinated and waited to preach, would he have missed his opportunity to convert those very men and women who stood before him? Would they have ever come to grace? We will never know. What we do know is that St. Peter didn’t wait and those people were the better for it.

So, we go back to our original question, “if not now, then when?” Is there ever a better time than the present to do the will of God? Is there a legitimate reason to wait? Do I have a cause to put anything before the Gospel of Christ? We need to discern our reasons for procrastinating very carefully and be honest with ourselves. Are they real obstacles? Are they fears? Are they truly reasons to wait? If they are legitimate reasons, what am I doing to get it all finalized? Do I have a wrecking ball swinging at the wall that keeps me from fulfilling my life’s call? If not, get to it!

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After all, your vocation is your very purpose of existence. It is intimately linked with your happiness, your peace of mind, your holiness and even your salvation. To delay our vocation for any illegitimate reason or to be lazy about taking care of those legitimate reasons is only prolonging our own happiness, peace of mind and even delaying our own sanctity. This in itself is tragic. Tragic because we are called to holiness, union with God. And, any delay in reaching union with God is truly tragic.

So, my dear friends, I encourage you to move without delay. Move on your vocation. Move on getting those legitimate needs taken care of and get to where God wants you. Now is the day! Now is the hour! Now is the time to act! Do not be afraid.

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Lectio for Chapter the Ninth

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Mark 1:14-20

Now after John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent, and believe in the gospel.”

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And passing along by the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew the brother of Simon casting a net in the sea; for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, “Follow me and I will make you become fishers of men.” And immediately they left their nets and followed him. And going on a little farther, he saw James the son of Zeb′edee and John his brother, who were in their boat mending the nets. And immediately he called them; and they left their father Zeb′edee in the boat with the hired servants, and followed him.